The Life of Dr Spencer Reid
by Excellently-Elementary
Summary: Spencer Reid plays the piano and reflects on the hardships he has faced with his team through the years. And then it's time to make an important decision. Warning: Spoilers for seasons One through Seven, mention of drug abuse, and Angst! Rated T.


**A/N: Hello, this is just a One-Shot I randomly wrote. I think it's really cool that Reid bought a keyboard, (6x16), but they never mentioned him playing it ever again. AND they never said how or why he did show up at Rossi's during episode 7x02, so I combined the two and WALL-A~ A cool little story.**

**P.S.; Be on the look-out for a chapter 7 of "The Blind Beauty of it All". I will be posting early in the morning, so, uhm, yeah. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

**Warning: Angst, Spoilers for seasons 1-6 and some for season 7, and mentions of drug abuse! Don't like? Don't read!**

**Enjoy!**

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**_Out of Suffering have Emerged the Strongest of Souls;_**

**_the Most Massive Characters are Seared with Scars._**

_**-Kahil Gibran **_

_Fingers danced majestically around soft keys, filling the air with a family of various notes._

People had always told Spencer Reid that he was destined for greatness. That he would cure cancer. That he would invent time travel, or he could do anything he wanted to do because of his massive intellect. Teachers would compliment him on acing a test. Students would beg to be his partner for projects and promise friendship in return for an A, but they would always leave him after the grades came back.

But no one would ever compliment Spencer Reid for just being, well. . .

Spencer Reid.

_The notes grew softer, the rhythm now turning almost melancholy._

At least, not until he was sixteen and attending Cal Tech. Famous profiler Jason Gideon had came to lecture the class on the art of profiling, and Reid's insightful observations and unique questions had astounded the aged profiler. He took Reid under his wing, brought him to the BAU where he met his surrogate family that accepted him with wide arms.

_There was suddenly an abundance of notes, bouncing around in the empty apartment and probably waking up neighbors this late at night. Joyful songs whirled around his ears, making his mouth form into a sad smile._

But his new found team had come with a price; Reid's ears had been invaded with the sound of sobbing families, mourning the loss of a life cut abruptly. His eyes would never look at the world with the same innocence they once had years ago. His mind at night would become perverted with beaten victims, coming out of their graves bloodied, begging him to save them. His hands pulled the trigger of a horrible, but sadly necessary, instrument, ending another man's life.

But no matter how hard a case became, Reid could always find a shelter in Morgan and Elle's teasing, JJ's benevolent smiles, Garcia's flamboyant outfits, Gideon and Hotch's wise coaching.

Of course, a happy Spencer Reid was not alright with the 'powers-that-be'. Elle had been shot, and the aftermath had made her irritable and slightly aggressive. The first real case she worked since she got back had been about women being raped and hurt in their own home. He noticed Elle's behavior becoming uncanny and tried to talk to her about it, but she just waved him off. She told him what he wanted to hear; she was simply tired from all of the events and she would get back to the funny, 'big sister' Reid missed so dearly.

_Gloomy music returned once more as he felt silent tears trickle slowly down his face._

Elle hadn't been okay. Actually, she was far from the definition of 'okay' as one could get. When she saw the UnSub walk out of the police station a free man, something must have snapped inside of her, because the next thing they knew, Elle was being asked why she felt it necessary to shoot a man several times in the chest.

The last time Reid saw her was in that bleak parking lot.

Elle just packed up her bags and left, not even saying good-bye, leaving Reid heart-broken and fragile.

He hadn't gotten out of his funk until he found a strong friendship, stronger than Elle's, in Emily Prentiss, the newest member of the BAU.

She was clever and brave with a hint of hidden 'nerd' in her. Prentiss would watch with keen interest as the film canisters rocketed off of his desk, and they even had one or two amusing conversations about Star Trek or a recent book published.

But good times must come to an end, he supposed. Just as the team was still recovering from the incident in Chicago, the universe sent the disturbed Tobias Hankle to wreak havoc on the mentally wounded team by kidnaping their youngest agent.

_Reid pounded angrily on the piano, making notes collide with each other like large tidal waves._

He remembered his weakness and how he thought drugs would take away his accursed eidetic memory. He didn't want to remember everything he read. He didn't want to relive the feeling of failure he felt when he sent his mother away, he didn't want to stare guiltily into Tobias'- the _real_ Tobias'- lifeless eyes, he didn't want to remember every single case he came across.

The rest of his team still stood there, waiting for him to make the decision; did he want to become a drug addict and lose everything he fought so hard to get, or did he want his family to step in and help him? Of course it was the latter, so when Gideon approached him while in New Orleans and asked Reid if he could leave the FBI, he knew the real question laying underneath:

_"Are you going to continue down this road?"_

And Reid answered with his eyes locked on his mentor's:

_"I'll never miss another plane again."_

Everything had gone back to normal after that. He still had his scars- the small, white ones on his wrists where the handcuffs dug into his skin and the ones embedded into his mind- but with the help of his team, he overcame his demons.

He was 99.5% better when Frank came back. Frank killed Gideon's old friend, sending him over the edge again. He didn't have time for a still healing protégée, not when he had to search for his own happy endings that he knew he wouldn't find.

_Spencer was now very close to sobbing, but he still played what seemed like an endless symphony._

With Gideon, the man who was a better father to him than William Reid could have ever been, gone, Reid wasn't sure what he lived for anymore.

If Gideon left, who else would?

But his team kept him from falling down.

One would expect a family to crumble after a tramatic event, but the BAU family became stronger than ever, if not for themselves, then for each other.

Famous David Rossi then joined the team, and he, too, became apart of their dysfunctional family once he got used to the whole 'working together' thing.

And Reid had picked up the shattered pieces of his life that now resembled a smashed mirror.

But, once again, no one in the BAU was allowed to be happy for long.

_With a sad frown on his face, Reid played softer notes higher on the piano, making an extraterrestrial noise fill the dark apartment._

The universe must have really hated them, because then Garcia, the only person Reid knew who could make anyone smile by simply looking at her, had been shot and nearly died.

Garcia was basically his partner in crime. She would always be there for him, and he would be there for her. She was actually the first person he confided in about his fear of becoming like his mother.

And he didn't even know if she would be alive for the next Doctor Who convention.

Thankfully, their quirky tech anylyst had survived the ordeal and JJ even shot the man responsible.

The team faced another hardship, and once again came out stronger because of it.

_The notes picked back up again, its mood now becoming calm and neutral._

Life in the BAU seemed to relax after that.

Well, not 'relax', per say. But it was a lot better than being blown up, kidnapped, choked by a madman, and having harmful secrets revealed nearly every day.

Reid dealt with his addiction, watched a kid die in front of him, prevented that from happening again, got held hostage with Prentiss, solved a mystery involving his nightmares, and tried to help Amanda Jackson turn back into Adam Jackson.

When he got infected with anthrax and nearly died, he woke up to the scent of Jell-O and nasty cologne that could only belong to one person.

Morgan, his surrogate big brother, was sitting in a position he would be in for four more days; his elbows on his knees with his head slightly down, eating out of a packet of red Jell-O.

Morgan was his first real best friend, and he enjoyed every minute of 'hanging out' with the older man. Even though being dragged into bars was annoying, he knew that Morgan was just trying to get him to enjoy himself every once in a while. He was his brother, his friend, the scapegoat he sometimes used to vent out his anger and frustration of a hard case or just a hard life, his very own Guardian Angel. And he would die for his brother if he had to, and he was pretty certain the feeling was mutual.

However, George Foyet didn't let their semi-good year last.

_The stealthy tears returned once more, sliding down his face and onto the hard, white keys resting below his fingers._

Foyet attacked Hotch, the team's fearless leader, and stabbed him nine times. And when they thought the day couldn't get any worse than it already was, Reid had to sacrifice his safety for a doctor who would leave his son fatherless if the UnSub shot him.

Thankfully, the bullet went right through his knee.

Reid was put in the same hospital as Hotch and found out that he would possibly never see his family again. They ended up rooming together, and they both just talked about things troubling them; Reid's fear of developing genetically developing his mother's disease, because he was nearing the age that skitzophrenic breaks usually occured, and Hotch about the fear of not being able to be there for Jack when he grew up.

Hotch was like the BAU's father, (and on more than one occasion the 'mother hen' of the peculiar group), and he was always strong for them. After Gideon left, Hotch slowly crept his way into Reid's heart as his new mentor. But Hotch did things secretly to help boost the younger man's confidence levels, such as letting him go on more raids or take the shot. He even stayed late with Reid to help him improve his aim every once in a while. Hotch was the team's rock.

But sometimes, the rock couldn't always be so strong. So when the team visited early next morning, they were glad to see the two patient's beds slightly touching with the occupants sound asleep. Hotch's left arm was slung around Reid's thin frame, and the younger man's head was resting against his shoulder. The purple circles that were once under their eyes weren't as dark as the day before.

But, of course, the universe seemed to be a satanic bully who enjoyed kicking them while they were down, because not even two months later, the BAU family was standing shoulder-to-shoulder listening to the heart-breaking speech their leader was giving at Haley Brooks Hotchner's funeral.

_Fingers pressed against the keys, urging the notes to keep coming._

The family was still strong and sturdy, latching onto each other and using their strengths to help their family stay up. Because no matter how many times they fell, they would never stay on the ground for long.

Foyet was dead and couldn't hurt Hotch or Jack anymore, and they were safe.

And God help the UnSub that tries to take away Hotch's family again.

Sadly, an UnSub didn't take away Hotch's family; a monster named Strauss had the demonic pleasure of shipping JJ away to a supposedly better job.

Ashley Seaver was later assigned to their team, but she just didn't seem to click with them. Emily stepped into Elle's spot when she quit, but Emily fit better than Elle could have ever fit in their family. But no one could replace JJ's smile or perky attitude. Even if said replacement had the same hair and eye color. But Seaver's eyes weren't the same. The blue in her eyes weren't as nearly as warm as JJ's, and her blonde hair didn't seem right either.

Clearly, the Bearau had tried to replace their media liaison, but they failed miserably.

It wasn't that Seaver was a terrible person. Actually, Reid rather liked the new agent. She was curious and determined, and Reid had to admit: she was rather pretty. No, he didn't hate her. She just wasn't JJ.

_Music continued to drift through his lonely apartment, and he inspected the clock hanging on his wall. He still had forty-two minutes and thirty-six seconds to make his decision._

Then the headaches began.

Head-splitting, blinding, excruciating headaches that made his mind foggy. He wondered if this was it; if he was finally going crazy like his mother.

Doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, and he ended up telling Emily about the stressful headaches. He couldn't let anyone else know, though. He told her he didn't want them to baby him. That was true; they had just lost JJ, and everyone else was dealing with their own emotional turmoil, so he didn't want to bother anyone with his migraines. Another thing stopped him, though. Fear.

It was extremely hard to profile yourself, but what if his team could see the symptoms he couldn't? Of course, Emily was a profiler. But he knew that she wouldn't cross that line unless he asked her to. And telling the team was like inviting them into his mind so they could dissect it.

_Thirty-seven minutes and four seconds. Long fingers distractedly waltzed along the instrument._

Spencer Reid thought that life couldn't have gotten much worse; that he had faced almost everything that the cruel world had to offer, but he had been so wrong. So terribly, stupidly wrong.

Because the pain inflected on him was worse than the feeling of tiny bones breaking in his foot from a block of wood, or the uncomfortable then agonizing feeling in his knee he got from a deranged UnSub.

No, the world inflected pain so harsh that Reid felt as if the last crack split through his delicate life and it shattered, just like a mirror. Just like when Gideon left.

Emily Prentiss was **dead.**

And she was not coming back like JJ had. She wasn't going to help Morgan tease him. She wasn't going to help him get even with Morgan. She wasn't going to discuss Star Trek with him or watch his magic tricks.

Because she was **dead.**

_Twenty-three minutes and four seconds._

Reid's life didn't seem real after he came back from the hospital.

_"She never made it off the table."_

_"She never made it off the table."_

_"She never. . ."_

The seven words that made him feel like a puppy that had been kicked one too many times echoed in his head for days. There was no escaping them. No where he could be safe.

But he remembered that JJ had insisted he called if he ever needed to talk right before he left the hospital.

He shakily picked up the cell-phone and dialed in the number he would be using quite often for the next ten weeks.

_"Hello?"_

_"JJ?" _His voice was barely above a whisper and it sounded broken and pathetic, even to his own ears.

_"Spence? What's wrong?" _

_"I, uh. I guess. . ."_ He took a shaky breath before admitting with a slight chuckle,_ "I really need to talk."_

_Sixteen minutes and six seconds. The music was still strong, the notes still blending together perfectly._

And they did talk. He would show up on her doorstep and she would let him melt into her embrace as he talked about random things Emily liked; her favorite color, her favorite book, even her favorite magic trick.

If his head had not been resting on JJ's shoulder while they side-hugged on the couch, he would have seen the guilt in her eyes and the hot, angry tears running down her cheeks as well.

_Fourteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds._

He had never been as happy as he had the moment Emily Prentiss hesitantly came into the conference room, trying to gauge her friend's reactions.

But after the case was over, he had never felt more angry or hurt in his whole life.

To know one of your closest friends lied to you about being dead and then comes back, expecting everything to be normal again was upsetting enough. But knowing that two of your other best friends helped lie, and one of them even comforted you while you mourned, it just hurt _so much._

Reid would prefer a slap to the face from JJ or a kick to the ribs from Hotch than this emotional pain.

_Nine minutes and forty-seven seconds left._

But then again, it must have been hell to keep such a big secret; it must have also hurt JJ to see him in that emotional state.

Plus, Emily had a rough time in Paris. She was there, alone, without the support of her family to keep her sane for months.

_"You mourned the loss of a friend; I mourned the loss of six."_

Maybe he wasn't being entirely fair.

_"Jennifer, listen. The only reason you were able to manage my perception was because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row, crying over the loss of losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me!"_

But it still hurt so much.

_"Spence, I'm sorry!" _

Reid suddenly slammed both his hands on the piano, making a rather repugnant sound, and broke down, sobbing.

It just wasn't fair; life simply was not fair.

He felt like the broken mirror again, but this time he didn't seem able to bring himself back together. Like the pieces wouldn't fit back together again, even if he tried. Every time he put the pieces back together again, he would fall. Every time he tried to get back up, he would get kicked before he could even move.

It just wasn't _fair_.

Reid traced the brown patterns on the piano, admiring its wooden beauty.

He still had his family to live for.

Even if it was a broken, dysfunctional family, it was_ his_, and maybe they could put each other back together again, and make sure they don't fall.

But he had to take the first step.

Glancing at the clock, he whispered a few muffled curses before darting out the door.

**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**  
Breathing in and out, Reid shyly walked into the kitchen where his team was listening closely to Rossi explaining how to cook the spaghetti.

"Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late," he said, hovering slightly in the area where Rossi's living room and kitchen combined.

JJ smiled at her friend's awkwardness; it was good to see him back to his adorably awkward self rather than having a hurt look in his eyes directed towards her.

She moved aside slightly, giving Reid an area to stand.

He smiled, knowing he was forgiven for his previous outburst.

And she smiled back, knowing that Reid now understood that their actions were necessary.

Staring at his team's happy faces as they clinked their glasses together, Spencer Reid thought that the piano was very similar to life:

The notes seem endless. Sometimes they are fast, sometimes they are slow. There are rests, and sometimes, a pianist will make a mistake but pick up on the next measure. And sometimes, you need two pianists to play a certain song. But that doesn't stop the song from being played. Because no matter what happens, the pianist must play until the curtains close.

**_But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life,  
and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine._**

**_-Thomas Jefferson _**

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**Thanks for reading; Let me know what you think! (: **


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